What makes a good wine salesman (Rocky Mountain Wine & Food Festival 2015)

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – not Christmas, Wine Fest. The Rocky Mountain Food and Wine Festival rolled through Calgary last weekend and what times were had by all who came.

As you may be aware, there are many different ways to do a wine festival. You can walk through, delicately taking your time, enjoying the flavours, chatting with the winemakers  to find out how old the wood was on the barrel that the grapes were fermenting in to give this bottle that little extra kick. You spit out most of what you taste, and occasionally drink a full glass – you indulger, you.

Or, maybe you are not a wine-o. You are a lover of all things alcohol and you came to have fun and get your drink on. Let’s be real – you came to get drunk.

I attended the Festival for two reasons.  To get my drink on and to chat with, and judge, the people pouring the beverages. I could have done this post on what booze I like best, but that’s a tired topic. You can read somewhere else what makes a good wine, I’m here to tell you what makes a good salesperson.

Is the history scandalous? Tell me about it. – This is Mason Spink. He is a winemaker for Dirty Laundry. Fun fact about Dirty Laundry…did you know it used to be a laundry place with hookers and gambling upstairs? True story, Mason told me. Did you know that they made a 69 out of clothes pegs as the label on their Gewürztraminer? Also a true story.

Hit on people, but don’t be creepy.  Meet this guy. That guy who will compliment your smile and laugh at all of your dumb jokes and teeters on the edge of crossing the line. That guy is the best kind of sales professional. Not only can he relate to anyone, he is also just an overall good time. He was selling Tom Gore, who is a guy that is passionate about grapes, his wife, his dad’s truck, his dogs, sharing and more grapes. What Tom doesn’t say, is that he’s also passionate about getting his sales team pumped up to sell his wine … that’s where this guy comes in.

Love your winemaker. Bruce thinks the guys who make the wine he was representing were the best. THE BEST. He spoke very highly of a particular winemaker named Nacho. Yes, his name was Nacho and yes, I did try to get Bruce to FaceTime him but he politely declined. I like to drink stuff made by awesome people, and Bruce sold me on these guys.

Wear a furry hat. The girls from Russian Standard Vodka were on point. Not only did they make me want to visit Eastern Europe, but they also make me want to drink vodka, which I typically hate. Here’s the pitch: “Produced by the world’s most advanced distillation process and layer-filtered through quartz crystal from the Ural Mountains, IMPERIA is allowed to rest in relaxation tanks for 72 hours before bottling.” Say that in a low, slow voice and have a girl in an adorable furry hat serve it to you … pfff, that truly is vodka as it should be.

Be honest. This is Art of Chinook Arch Meadery. If you ask him whose idea it was to start his meadery he will tell you that is was definitely not his wife’s idea, even though she may try to take the credit. Based on this alone, I feel like Art is a straight shooter who would not mislead me.

Guilt people into buying something. I fell in love with this adorable guy. He took it upon himself to tell me his whole life story, from where he lives, to what he does at work, to where he’s planning to vacation next with his grandmother. This guy made me his new best friend in about five minutes, and for some reason, he made me feel kind of guilty for not being a better person (he’s taking his grandma on vacation). To be honest, I don’t remember what he was selling (it was late in the game), but who cares, we’re friends now, and I want to make sure your grandma gets upgraded to first class, so I’ll take two.