9 Truths from Trainwreck

Did you parents ever tell you that if you sit too close to the TV it will ruin your eyes? What they should have told you is that if you watch too many RomComs it will ruin any chance you may have at happiness by filling your mind with unrealistic expectations of relationships and people. That goes for both men and woman.

The truth is, being single can be fun, relationships can suck a lot and not all girls are sitting at home singing along to All By Myself waiting for their white knight to come and save them.

Enter Trainwreck, Amy Schumer’s comedy about a girl who is living the single dream, meets a guy and falls in love. Sure, it sounds pretty cookie cutter, but the interactions along the way were so on point. So true. So….us. We felt the need to spotlight these ‘truths’ again, and thank Amy Schumer for telling everyone – NOT ALL GIRLS LIKE TO SPOON.

 

walk of shame trainwreck bandage dressTruth: Spending the night is not glamorous

Amy has a no sleeping over rule. It’s a great rule. Why? Because, if you don’t spend the night you’ll be able to avoid the awkward morning conversation where you both pretend that this wasn’t what it really was – a one-time thing that will never happen again (with that person). Oh, and then you don’t risk walking down the street with streaky make-up in a bandage dress the morning after while his neighbours debate whether he paid for you or if you really were that wasted on a Wednesday.

So, let’s stop pretending that sleeping over at a one-night-stand’s house is a) romantic or b) not going to end in the walk of shame. If you are into spending the night, power on. If you’re not, do not feel like a dick – call that cab and get your butt home.

 

Truth: Ladies need to get some too

Amy does a exemplary job at showing us how much fun it can be to not be tied down to just one person and if said fun extends to between the sheets, then SO BE IT.

Don’t assume that a woman can’t play the game just as hard as guys do if she has the mind to. The idea that “all men want is to get laid” is just as much of a misconception as the idea that “women are always frigid.”

Obviously, not all women fall under this category. Regardless of where you’re at, preservation of one’s dignity and health should always be a priority. (There’s your PSA of the day!)

 

spooning trainwreck realistic position amy schumerTruth: Not everyone likes spooning

The first time she sleeps over at Aaron’s, Amy tells him that she doesn’t like spooning, him breathing on her and would prefer to have a pillow in between them for comfort. You go girl.

To spoon or not to spoon is a personal preference. Some people love it, some people hate it. Decades of RomComs have lead people to believe that all girls love this and need it to be happy. No.

 

Truth: Sometimes, we actually don’t want to hear back from you

When Amy says, I’ll call you later – she actually means, see ya never. And that’s not terrible, it’s life.

Whether it’s a case of a bad lay, bad compatibility, or even bad timing in the grand scheme of things, sometimes not hearing back from what’s-his-name can be a good thing. It certainly saves us from having to do the dreaded “I don’t know, I’m suuuuper busy this month, maybe next month?” dance of avoidance.

Some gals simply prefer to leave One-Night-Stand Dave as a fond memory… to inevitably share in detail with her girlfriends. Or write about in blogs for the world to see. Whatever.

 

amy schumer high trainwreck can you leaveTruth: Ending a deep/awkward conversation is hard

There were so many truths in the scene where Amy is with her meat-head boyfriend and he is telling her that he wants to move to a farm, have 6 kids with her and be a cross-fit king and she is like…holy mother of GOD no, and I am too high for this conversation.

We’ve all been there. Maybe not high, but definitely drunk, tired or busy when a guy is like “I would like to have a real conversation with you right now”, meanwhile you’re thinking, “The only time this conversation would be more inconvenient is if I were in the middle of having sex with another man.”

Sometimes I wish we could just say what she did…because it’s what we’re all thinking.

 

tampon red wedding trainwreck memeTruth: The ‘What if he sees…” anxiety is real

Once Amy decided that she really liked Aaron she had a meltdown and went into graphic detail about how terrible it will be if he ever found a tampon in the toilet during a really heavy flow and then left her.

First of all, always flush. That is a no brainer and I am ashamed for people who end up having that problem.

Anyways, the sentiment of her conundrum is true. When you first start dating someone you probably feel the need to keep it all together including:

  • An immaculate looking apartment that is not the normal cluttered mess of shopping bags, empty wine bottles and random articles of clothing
  • Minimal swearing and toned down sarcasm
  • Actually doing your make-up daily and dressing like you want the Plastics to let you sit at their table
  • …and all those damn waxing appointments.

You get the picture…but we all know the honeymoon ends sometime and you’re not sure what he going to think of your actual everyday lifestyle of sweatpants, a bottle of wine and a Netflix marathon. The struggle is real.

 

trainwreck park scene homeless dump kissTruth: RomCom moments are often disgusting and unsanitary

Once Amy and Aaron fall in love and start doing really couply activities, Amy talks us through a montage of lame things they are doing. Playing with boats in a park while surprisingly not getting mugged, kissing on a germ filled train and making out on a rock that homeless people probably defecated on.

This is real life.

I cannot be the only on who watches movies of people romantically laying in a field, making out in an alley or having sex in some public space thinking…yeah, that is some unsanitary shit.
amy schumer hot sweaty mess trainwreck cheerleader Truth: The magical transformation moment may not be as pretty as you think

At the end of the movie, Amy learns a dance routine to do with the cheerleaders to show Aaron that she wants to try and make their relationship work. She looks like an idiot and at the end of it is sweating, panting and tells him she is in terrible physical shape.

Yes. If a person were to live her lifestyle and then try to do something that physical while trying to look good, they would fail. That is a truth. At the end of a lot of movies all of the sudden the protagonist is a pro at whatever they decide to do – people who are not thinking critically about it think it’s cute. I always thought it was obscene and annoying. This is way better.

 

lebron james trainwreck amy schumer downton abby abbeyTruth: Lebron James should be in every movie

Lebron James talking about Downton Abbey. Lebron James hosting an intervention. Lebron James making Aaron pay for lunch. Lebron James talking about Cleveland. Lebron James asking Amy “Do you hear his name when you listen to the wind.” How is Lebron James not in every movie?

 

This article was co-written by Jes & Uryelle. Amy Schumer, we salute you.


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