The Unemployment Roller Coaster: What to expect when you face unemployment

There may be a point in your life where you are unwillingly unemployed. The economy falls apart and you lose your job. You’re a contract worker and your employer doesn’t renew yours. You have the worst job in the world and one day you mic drop and leave.

No matter what your situation, you are most likely going to experience what I like to call the unemployment roller coaster. I took a ride on it once, and it was not a good time. Didn’t like it one bit.

For those of you who have experienced unemployment, you will understand what I am about to tell you. For those of you who haven’t, stop dreaming about not working, because one day it may come true.

THE UNEMPLOYMENT ROLLER COASTER

Week 1: I AM FREE!!!
You leave your former place of employment and think – I can do anything! This is the best. The next morning you wake up and think of all of the things you could be doing – TV, a walk, breakfast, start that novel you always thought about writing. Inevitably you end up just going back to sleep because time is your friend. You have so much of it that all activities can be put on hold until tomorrow. You’re unemployed and loving it! This week is a blur.

Week 2: Why did I ever work?
It has been a week long vacation without the loom of responsibility in the back of your mind. You have gotten day drunk several times with your self-employed friends and you have practically become nocturnal. You may never work again. This is the LIFE!

Week 3: I should really get a job.
All of the time you have spent doing things during the day has really hit hard on your bank account. The daily checks you are doing on your depleting funds are giving you anxiety and sleeping in is starting to make you feel like a real loser. You start to really get down to business with job search.

Week 4: Full hermit mode.
You have finally assessed that you are a failure because you have spent the last two weeks actively looking for a job and you haven’t landed an interview. You are tired of having to tell people that you are still unemployed so you opt to just stay home and not interact with people at all.

Week 5: WHY DON’T I HAVE A JOB YET?!
You have sent out upwards of 30 resumes with pristine cover letters and you still haven’t gotten and interview. Do people not realize what a catch you are professionally? You start to questions your purpose in life. You become overly dramatic and assume that your life is ending.

Week 6: Couch living.
You are completely caught up on every E! reality show and are making your way through the entire series of Friends. You still prefer not to leave your house and have decided to order pizza instead of going to the grocery store way too many times.

Week 7: An interview.
You finally got an interview. You are concerned that you have lost your ability to interact with people on a normal level, but you pull yourself together. You think about booking a hair appointment and decided that maybe what your hair really needs is to be brushed…grooming has not been a top priority lately.

Week 8: A job offer!
You went to the interview. They loved you (obviously) and you start in a week. After you do the happy dance, you get annoyed with yourself for spending the last four weeks cooped up in your house when you could have been doing something fun and enjoying your freedom.

Not all unemployment roller coasters are the same. Some people have a pretty nice severance to sit on and they don’t get to week 3 until week 8. Some people start at week 3 because they didn’t know they were about to lose their job and they spent any money that doesn’t go to their rent on an online shopping addiction. Some people are naturally lucky and just assume that one day the job fairy will drop a job in their lap and they don’t worry at all. I am very jealous of those people.